How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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