She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
