At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
