i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
