you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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