i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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