Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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