hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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