i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize