I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
