Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
