she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
