u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
