when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
