Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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