mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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