her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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