he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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