We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just found a bag of teeth...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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