well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
