small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
