are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize