Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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