I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
