so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
