Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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