he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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