Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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