I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my shit smells like andre
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize