All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
