there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize