jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
