You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
