She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
