he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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