Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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