Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
