So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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