We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
