I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
