He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
