Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Alive.
So much puke
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
