Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
