I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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