I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
