he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
