I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
