I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
