is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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