I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
