Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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