Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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