So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
