Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
