i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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