the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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