My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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