It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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