You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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