a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
