dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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