Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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