just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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