dude i'm inner monologue high
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
