Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
